Lose Control

Hello Beautiful People,

Long time no see, sincere apologies for being MIA but your girl has been going through it! (that’s a story for another day), but I’m back now to share some long awaited content with my beautiful followers.

Todays post is inspired by something I have been battling with for a while and I’m sure someone can relate, I just want to let you know that it’s okay, you’re not alone. Today I am speaking about control, or in this case, the lack thereof.

The epiphany  manifested when one day I came back from work and realised…….I CANNOT DO IT AYMORE!!. I cannot control everything! This particular day I felt overwhelmed to the point of tears, tired of trying to perfect everything, and get my life together. Day after day I had been planning and plotting and imagining all different scenarios of “ifs”, “buts” and “maybes”.My head was so full, and so sick of the questions going through it; studying- what route do I go down?, relocating, job hunting, finances, relationship???????? or nah, will I go back to Paris?, will I ever fulfil my destiny? will everything work out? As you can see guys I was having a total information overload and potential meltdown! I was so overwhelmed with the fear of the unknown because what I do not know, I cannot control.

As you can probably guess, I don’t do well with ambiguity, I am the kind of person who likes the security of knowing what’s coming next. In fact, since 2015 I have strategically planned every move I have made year, after year, until now. Okay, okay maybe not every single detail but most things, like education and relocating, I had an idea of when they were going to happen. Now………..I can’t see past 2019 ( November to be precise), and I am not gonna lie that scares me! The fact that for the first time since 2015 I have nothing solid planned for my future scares me, but then I was reminded, and James 4:13-14 confirms, tomorrow isn’t promised.

On this blessed day I made a decision to live in the now and appreciate each day as it comes. This workaholic is going to detox! It’s time for me to practice what I preach and stand up for what I believe in. I am letting go and letting God! This is the day I said to myself I will;

1) no longer worry about the future.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” – Matthew 6:34

2) Trust in my journey.

3) Stop obsessing about being perfect.

4) Remember… I.AM.NOT.GOD!

Earlier the same day I made the decision to change my mind-set , I had a conversation with a colleague about how I felt old and wish that I had more time to achieve my goals. Her response was

“I hate how numbers  determine everything in our lives, from marriage to our dress sizes! because at the end of the day they’re just numbers”

I am telling you beautiful people no words have hit me harder. Its true how we place so much empathises on numbers and achieving certain things by a particular age, that we end up with unnecessary anxiety and depression, instead of just aiming to achieve our goals at our own pace. At the end of the day who said it was a necessity to be graduated by 22, married at 27 and get a mortgage by 30?

Worried because you are single at 27, still living at home with your parents or changing career, when your friends are married at 25 and just bought their first property and own a successful business? Remember Valentine’s Day Shenanigans and To be or not to be?. God sees our hearts desires but His time may not be aligned with our socially constructed norms. However, one thing is for sure, His time is perfect!

Sometimes there are opportunities right in front of our faces, but we cannot see them because we are to busy looking ahead.

Now, lets not get this misconstrued. In no way, shape or form am I encouraging anyone out there not to make plans for the future, save for a rainy day, or work towards their goals. In fact, my aim is to advocate the opposite. However, do not waste time in fear when the future seems uncertain. Do not stress when you cant see what you will be doing in five years, what matters is what are you doing now? Feeling anxious? Do your best, work hard, hit those milestones and watch destiny and the universe take control. I had to surrender to God, and found comfort in Romans 8:28, knowing that everything will work out if I just trust in Him.

Please do not tell me I am alone. Does anyone else feel like this? If so what do you do? I am not only here to give advice but also continue to grow, learn and  hope sharing my experience has helped someone out there going through something similar.

I saw a powerful quote and it made me realise, happiness is now, and I have to live in it before it is too late.

Yes, the past 3 years have been planned but man they have flown by quick, and guess what the next 3 will fly just as quickly. The reality is…..

All we have is now

ENJOY IT

P.S My YouTube has been acting up for a while but I have finally sorted it out. This day last year I graduated and to celebrate I am finally uploading the VLOG of the graduation party I had with one of my best friends if your interested in watching please CLICK HERE!!