When We Talk About Love…..

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Is this the version of love that we know?

Hello Beautiful People,

Today’s post will be talking about the four letter word, LOVE. I was inspired by the bible passage above that describes love so beautifully. However, I couldn’t help but to wonder, if love is so beautiful why do we often associate it with pain, heartache and tears? In this post I will be sharing my opinion on why this beautiful thing called love hurts so freaking much.

1. Love never fails. People do.

Love is not a person, love is a feeling / emotion. Something that should be given or shared. Too many times have I heard, or even have said myself in the past “I am never going to love again”, after a betrayal. The problem here is that we forget that in a situation where we have been hurt one way or another by someone, is that they are human. They are not love, they are a person, flawed and imperfect in many ways. In fact, there has only ever been one perfect human being on this earth in 2018 years. Many of us are trying to be like Him yet falling short, so why then do we personify our love in the form of another human being and expect not to get hurt?

We place so much importance on other people and emphasize on the perfect friendship (bestie, bestie), the perfect partner, and, looking for someone to love that we don’t even stop to take the time and recognise whether is it actually real love or just feels like love. Trust me, there is a BIG difference! Love is undeniably one of the things most sort after by us as humans. It is this thirst and hunger for that feeling that leaves us vulnerable.

2. The meaning of love has been replaced by a person.

It is no longer given to a person or shared. In this case we forget that we have the power to take it back. This is why when a friendship/relationship ends we find ourselves drained and empty, almost as if we have left a piece of ourselves with that person. In cases where the relationship has clearly reached its final destination we refuse to accept the reality, and find ourselves holding on allowing it to become toxic. Everything we know about love has become embedded within this person. It doesn’t matter how much we see them hurt us, degrade us, or play with our emotions, we stay because this person is what we know to be love. We now allow our love to be abused, and the thirst for love to overpower us. This is a contributing factor as to why there are so many individuals living and dying by domestic violence.

NO! it doesn’t have to be with way! This is not love, it is merely attachment. It is heart breaking that many of us do not know the difference between the two and, yes Miss Tori herself has been guilty of this. The words in Hosea 4:6 are so true, if we only knew rather than chasing what we think to be love and losing ourselves in the process.

3. Only the people we love can hurt us

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for” – Bob Marley

This is semi true, yes people are going to hurt you but why must we find someone worth suffering for? Now, everyone who knows me knows I am a strong believer in working hard because nothing worth having comes easy, and the importance of fighting for a relationship that is truly meant to be. However, if it ever gets to a point in a relationship where you feel like you are suffering, it is time to walk away. I have spoken about self-love before and I strongly believe that how we love ourselves determines how we handle relationships.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” – Proverbs 4:23

The heart is very important. It is possible to survive brain damage but once the heart stops beating that is a life gone. It is OUR job to guard our own heart, however many of us want someone else to do that job for us. There is nothing wrong with letting someone into our heart and loving them, actually, that is what we are supposed to do. Instead what we do is actually hand them our heart, unknowingly giving them the opportunity to do with it and us whatever they please. We need to love ourselves enough never to give anyone that much power over our lives.

4. Oblivious to true love

A lot of the time we are searching for love although it has been with us the whole time. Right in front of our eyes, under our noses and inside our hearts. Agape love is described to be love in its purest form. The most selfless, sacrificial and unconditional love there is. My beautiful people, this is the love that God has for us and surrounds us with daily. When I surrendered my heart and my love to my creator, this is the moment I realised that no pain any human being can ever cause me can be greater than the love God has for me. I embraced Romans 5:5 and acknowledged that my heart, my soul and my mind belonged to Him. This is when I understood my heart would never freeze over in this cold world.

Nowadays, the true definition of love has been distorted, where #MenAreTrash and #WomenAreSavage, we should go back to the foundation and take our meaning of love from the One who created it in the first place. Nowhere in any scripture have I seen the words hurt, pain or tears associated with Love (please leave a comment to correct me if I’m wrong).

So guys, even though we may sometimes find an ice-box where our hearts used to be, we need to remember not to let those who hurts us allow us to close the door to love. When we talk about love we talk about pain? No! I refuse to believe that. Love is a beautiful, amazing, awesome feeling like none other. We just need to be strong enough to recognise what is love and what isn’t. If we ever find ourselves lost all we need to do is go back to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and if we still don’t know, remember this. If it hurts, it isn’t love.

Love always wins!

(For help and advice on the sensitive topic of domestic violence please contact one of the helpline services below, nobody deserves to suffer in silence)

Ireland

Amen

SafeIreland

Womens Aid

United Kingdom

Domestic Violence Helpline