How Do I Help Myself?

“Time is precious and we cannot afford to sit around and wait for healing without taking practical steps”.

A quote from one of my previous posts Is time the best healer?.

“Okay, so you say this Miss Tori but what exactly are practical tips to healing?????????”

Hello Beautiful people,

In todays post I will be sharing some tips on healing which I have found useful. I understand that it is all well and good to wait on the Lord and spend time with Him but we also have a part to play in designing how things go for us.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves”  James 1:22

Even God told us to be practical. So here it goes…..

1.CRY!!

Yes I said it, cry! Too often like Elsa (from frozen) we are told “Conceal, don’t feel, let it go”. Apart from the fact that it is counter productive, I personally feel that it is a paradox to tell someone to conceal something and let it go in the same sentence. The more we hold things in the harder it will be to move on, and we all know what happens when we bottle things in till the point that we exceed the capacity to hold them any longer.

Inevitably we explode and the pain of something that happened a long time ago can be triggered. Why should we let it get to that point when we could have cried it out and forgotten about it ages ago? Now, when I say cry I do not mean to simply wallow in tears over every situation but if you feel the need to cry, do! Break down and let each tear drop be a way to release the negativity. From my previous study in psychology I learned that crying is a practical way of healing because they release toxins that build up within us when we are stressed and the also excrete endorphins. This is exactly what is portrayed in Psalms 30:5.

Fun Fact! Endorphins are a hormone in the body that reduces the effects of pain and makes us feel good. Sound familiar? #PassionPainPleasure.

Too many times people are seen as weak for doing what is just a natural human defence mechanism. Men are often told to “man-up” as crying is a task viewed to be for their “more emotional” counterparts. Let me address this stereotype by saying, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour wept when he heard the news of Lazarus’ death. Don’t believe me?, it is written in John 11:35. And although Jesus knew exactly what He had to do in the situation, it didn’t stop Him from expressing His feelings. Well, He was human after all.

2. Forgiveness

I know we have heard  many times and know by now that holding grudges can hinder our chances of moving on and healing because it leaves us bitter. Focusing on revenge and the people/things that hurt us uses up the energy we could be using to build on ourselves, but we know that so I will not speak on that.

What do you do when you have broken your own heart and are the cause of your own pain? You live and deal with the guilt day in day out. Maybe you have done something you swore you would never do or find yourself becoming the person you said you would never become. Now you feel that there is no way back and that fact that you have got yourself here in the first place hurts your soul.

It is almost easier to forgive others that it is to forgive yourself

Because when you are #CuttingEveryoneOff and supposedly leaving people behind in certain years, what do you do with yourself when you are the primary cause of your own pain? At the end of the day the memory is closer to home because YOU DID IT!! Nothing you do right now can reverse the situation. You can lie to others but you cannot lie to yourself and even if you tell the truth it cannot change what has been done. This is a very dangerous state to be in. Thinking like this has the capacity to drive someone into depression and potentially lead to worse.

The harsh truth is you have one choice here; forgive yourself no matter how hard it may be or live in regret for the rest of your life. At the end of the day I feel this all comes down to self love. When you love someone you can forgive them (eventually) when they hurt you. Hands up if you have been there. Now, can you please apply that same love towards yourself and forgive yourself, because lets be honest, is living in regret really living?

3. Think positive

I know you may be heart broken and in pain right now but for every 10 things going wrong I am sure there is at least one thing worth smiling about. That one thing should be the fuel that drives you to your happy place.

(View from 2nd floor Eiffel Tower)

For me, I just have to look around. It may sound cheesy but not long ago I would have never imagined me to be in the position I am right now. All the things I have once cried about and thought would never happen are here. This gives me hope that whatever I am crying about today will definitely be a thing of the past one day. When I think about the struggles I have overcome and how I defied logic I cannot help but smile. It is not over yet, there are many more struggles to come, but take everyone as a building block, shaping and moulding you to your destiny.

4. Find a focus

If your finding it difficult to think positive this is for you. Do you know that you can use your negative energy to heal? How… Well energy is energy whether it be positive or negative. For example, when we are in a good mood and motivated to put in a good workout in the gym we give it our all, same way if we are stressed or angry that energy can be channelled into us putting our best effort into our work out.

Find something you love and use it as a way to focus all the pain and energy into. Eventually what is hurting us will no longer be our focus. Love wins the battle against hate and it doesn’t matter now small. We all have that one thing we love be it singing, dancing, anything….Writing this blog has helped me in many ways along with other extra curricular activities I use as a way of escape. I turn my negativity energy into fuel which helps feed my creativity, and even for a short moment helps me to forget whatever it was that made me feel negative in the first place. If you do not believe me next time you feel some type of way try a boxing class. Thank me later 🙂

5. STOP GOING BACK , CLOSURE IS A MYTH!!!!!!!!!

I won’t lie and say getting closure on a situation is not the best way to end a situation, because it is. However, sometimes we stunt out own healing because we fail to let things go when closure unavailable. It is often an excuse to remain entangled in the situation and trapped, but why give something so much power over you? Why stay when you really want to leave? You have the power to shut the door and walk away. Do it!

Honestly, sometimes the only closure we can get is knowing we did everything we could, admitting our mistakes and taking the “L” on the chin.

6. If all fails

II Corinthians 3

Remember time is the best healer…….. with GOD